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By Mother Prophetess F. Harris, PhD
Proverbs 14:1 declares, “Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.”
In essence, this scripture declares that the whole, any, every, hence all wives, women, or females that are skillful and wise in mind, word, and act - teach wisdom. She continually makes or shows herself wise to build, obtain children, make, repair, and setup her house and family. Build means to develop gradually by increments, to promote the health, strength, esteem or reputation of, to accumulate or develop with measuring.
On the contrary, silly and foolish wives, women, or females lack in sense, judgment, and discretion. So they pull down or pull in pieces, break, destroy, and beat down their households. And she doesn’t stop there; she breaks through, overthrows, ruins, throws down utterly (carried to the utmost point, absolute, total, highest degree), desolates, destroys, brings to nothing, causes to perish, and plucks down her home with her hands, her power, her means, and her direction; and she does it with strength, stroke, and terror. Terror means with intense fear, a cause of anxiety, worry, and violence. Terrorize means to fill with terror or anxiety, scarce, to coerce by threat or violence.
Ask yourself, what am I doing - building or plucking down my house? Am I - WISE OR FOOLISH?
There are many ways that women pluck down their households, especially since there are a lot of single women with children. Being overwhelmed with responsibility can cause your household to suffer without you realizing it.
Women are continually plucking down their homes by:
1. Being contentious and prone to arguments. Proverbs 21:19 declares, “It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.” Always being up for an argument or starting an argument to address an issue is not using wisdom. Instead of always getting angry, have family meetings to increase healthy communication within the home. Let everyone have a voice to say what’s on their heart and mind and resolve the issue using biblical principles.
2. Name calling in the home. Don’t call your children or your husband names. This will only hurt their self-esteem and will breed contempt in the household. If you call someone stupid, not only will you hurt the person you are talking to, but the people who hear you say it will start to think that person is stupid because you will be planting seeds in the hearer's spirits and minds.
3. Parents behaving like children. I’ve seen more parents throwing temper tantrums over the last five years than I ever care to remember. I've seen crying spells, parents throwing their hands in the air, stumping feet, indifferent faces and postures, and pouting. All this from adults! If you behave like a child, how will you be able to raise your child? Your children will be watching how you handle situations and if you act crazy that’s what they are going to remember and mimic.
4. Being a brawler. Proverbs 21:9 declares, “It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.” You are not in a bar. Stop brawling in the home before you get into something physical with your husband or children that you can’t get out of.
5. Being a gossip. 1st Timothy 5:13 declares, “And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busy-bodies, speaking things which they ought not.”
It is my understanding that women in the church talk most about their spiritual leaders, other people’s children, neighbors, and the children of God. There is no way the Lord is going to bless you or your household and you are a gossiper!
6. Creating division in the home will destroy your household. Telling your children negative things about your husband or their siblings is not wise. And frankly dividing your household is the most brutish thing that you can do because a house divided against it self cannot stand. YOU WILL BE HURTING YOURSELF! The Bible declares in Matthew 12:25d, “… and every city or house divided against itself shall not stand.” It is difficult for the enemy to fight against a household where everyone is on one accord.
7. Manipulating, deceiving, and lying will ruin your household BIG TIME! If you don’t have integrity, your children know it. It will be hard for them to walk in integrity if you don’t. Some of our children are not aligning their lives up with scripture because women do not align up with scripture. What do your children think about you, say about you, or know about you that you would not desire your spiritual leader or your husband to know?
We teach our children with our actions and our instruction. Have you noticed it is with our actions that we influence our children more than anything else? If you are not living a true Christian life before your children, after they are older, they will lose respect for you, leaders in the church, the Body of Christ, and ultimately the Lord.
Women are examples for the entire household. Our children will behave the way we do. If we throw tantrums, they will too. If we manipulate, lie, deceive, they will too. Think about how Rebekah taught Jacob to be a deceiver in Genesis 27:6-14. Jacob told his mother in verse 12, “My father peradventure will feel me, and I shall seem to him as a deceiver; and I shall bring a curse upon me, and not a blessing.” But she didn’t listen and replied in verse 13b-d, “…Upon me be thy curse, my son: only obey my voice...”
Whatever spirit you operate in while guiding the house, that spirit will be upon all those in the house. The Lord is looking for some women to take a stand and begin building a house for him.
The Bible declares in 1st Timothy 5:14, we should be guiding our house in such a way that there is no occasion for the adversary to speak reproachfully. If you do this, when your children are older they will be a testimony for you, and not against you.
Proverbs 21:21 declares, “He that followeth after righteousness and mercy findeth life, righteousness, and honour.” Proverbs 31:28 declares of the virtuous woman, “Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.” Verse 31 declares, “Give her the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.”
There are ways to continually build your house with a lot of hard work. Being a woman, mother, and/or wife is hard work. It is not for the weak in faith or weak in character. Frankly, each role is a ministry!
1. Encourage each other. The world beats up your husband and children enough and they don’t need to be beat up by you when they come home. Your home should be a place of refuge and security for your husband and children. The bible declares in Titus 2:4 that wives are to love their husbands and children.
Furthermore, Ephesians 6:4 declares, “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” Nurture means tutorage, education, training, discipline, and chastisement (not yelling or abuse). Admonition means calling attention to, mild rebuke, or warning. If you do this, your children will pattern these characteristics when they are raising their children.
2. Create the right environment for your household. Don’t hinder your family from being saved. The atmosphere in the home is important for spiritual growth, unity, learning, strength, confidence and security. The home atmosphere affects everyone’s spiritual, mental, and physical health directly. Proverbs 17:22 declares, “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.”
3. Eliminate outside interferences that cause confusion or threaten to tear down what you are building. I have come to a place in life where I don’t have anything to do with anyone that does not believe in the vision the Lord has given me for my household. Keep your household unified no matter the cost.
4. Ask the Lord to deal with those in the household who refuse to line up with the Word of God. Remember, you have to line up with God first or the Lord will deal with you also.
5. Give the Lord complete control. This is the only place of peace and safety. Doing it God’s way is the only way to line your house up with the Word of God. Admit that your way has not worked all these years and do it God’s way. And if you believe you’ve done a great job, there is yet still a more excellent way.
6. Follow Godly counsel. Your spiritual leaders are in your lives for instruction, guidance, and correction. They do not have to be a big name person or have man’s approval to have what it takes for you and your family to be blessed. If the Lord has truly chosen them to shepherd you, then they have your best interest at heart, so listen to them. Listening to ungodly people or sinners, no matter who they are, is dangerous because they will not be instructing you through divine inspiration of the Holy Ghost and frankly you don’t need that!
7. Let your children grow up! Hindering them from experiencing life will make them weak in their character and faith when they become adults. Don’t be afraid to allow them to experience life’s difficulties and disappointments. Teach them the truth about sin, crime, friendships, right and wrong associations, family, substance abuse, celibacy, and death.
All these things are a part of life. We are human and your children will have to learn to deal with real human issues, so teach them the truth according to scripture. Children should know how to depend on Jesus for strength at an early age. They will face things that you will not be aware of, but if you teach them how to trust in the Lord at an early age, they will know how to resolve and adapt without a big disturbance in the home.
8. Live a Christian lifestyle in front of those in your household. For some, your conduct and conversation will cause them to truly give their life to the Lord.
9. Pray earnestly for your children. The world’s system is designed to draw your children into ungodliness before they are old enough to discern good and evil.
Prayer and the Word of God are the strongest weapons you have to fight the enemy. Your fight is not with your children, but it is with the devil. Instead of arguing with your children and raffling through their personal items, take your fight to the spirit realm and tear down the enemy’s plan. If you have to get someone to fast and touch and agree with you in prayer do it.
10. Teach your children how to have a personal relationship with the Lord Jesus for themselves by reading the Bible to them and teaching them how to pray on their knees, morning and evening. Also, teach them how to pray over their food. Teach them to pray when something is going wrong. Teach them to thank the Lord for everything, good and bad.
These things will make a difference in their lives when they are older. There are too many parents that have the mentality of going to church to get what they need from the Lord and they fail to equip their children. It is not the church’s job to teach your children how to have a personal relationship with the Lord, but it is yours.
In conclusion, your life is always a witness, especially to those living in your house. And if you have been called to ministry, your integrity has to be even greater because not only are God’s children in the household of faith watching you, but the people in your household are watching you. Whether you believe it or not, those that you lead, in or outside of your household, will do what they see you do and say what they hear you say. And if it’s not good fruit that you’re operating in, you will be held accountable by God.
All scriptures are from the King James Version of the Bible and are broken down with the Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible, and all definitions are from the Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary, 11 Edition.
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